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So I didn't make any dress progress tonight, but I had a rather significant day.

You see, heavily inspired by my multiple friends who have gone back to school ([livejournal.com profile] madamekat and a few others) I have decided to go back to school for nursing.  Yes I'm going to actually have a job where I get to improve peoples lives! make a difference in the world, and actually have a decent salary. I'm REALLY excited about it. 

I'm hoping to enter a second degree bachelor's program, but before I do that I have to take all the science pre-requisites over because it's been more than 5 years since I took college level biology and high school level chemistry. Today I had my very first Biology and Chemistry classes and Monday I start Developmental Psychology. 

This career change has been a long time coming, I've known I wasn't going to be a professional costumer anymore in 2008 and have been trying to figure out what to do with myself since then. I thought RH would be the perfect fit because I could be in the hobby without sewing 60 hours a week, but that didn't work out. And if I'm honest with myself, I enjoy costuming more when it's no pressure and just for me, so if I mess something up or decide not to finish no one but me cares! so my Hobby will go back to being a beloved hobby and my work life will have a meaningful existence again. 

Granted that's assuming I can pass Biology 101 and Chemistry 101..but the classes FELT really good today. So fingers crossed. Now if I could just find another $500 for books...anyone want something from my etsy store?
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For the first year ever Rob and I didn't go anywhere for Thanksgiving this year. We laid low, and counted pennies to get us a thanksgiving feast. I was very careful with the budgeting, was super proud of myself for doing the whole thing for under $35.00. It helped that we ate with several friends so I didn't have to provide the whole meal. But I got a nice big turkey, make a double batch of stuffing, gravy, pumpkin pie with homemade whipped cream and make a new nice centerpiece. That was a pretty big accomplishment for me! I made a big chart and compared all the prices for the ingredients I would need, hey I know time is money but I have the time and not the money! 

It all went relatively smoothly, as smooth as it was apt to go in my closet of a kitchen. Rob's brother joined us as well as Alice and we actually ate in my upstairs neighbors apt. It was a lovely meal with friend, and while a job isn't on the list I have a lot to be thankful for this year and stopping to remember is a GOOD THING. It's easy to get lost in the unemployed-my-life-is-a-mess feeling. But really I have great friends (LJ friends counted high on the list!), a wonderful family, an amazing husband, and two cute chinchillas that are looking at me lovingly at the moment (I'm pretty sure it's a ploy for raisins, but I shall ignore that and bask in the loving faces). And that's a lot more than a lot of people have. 

We decided as it was the one year when we were at home we'd live dangerously and go to Macy's at midnight...WOW...just wow...I kinda thought it'd be deserted, but boy was I wrong!...I think I made it about 30 min before I had an enormous GET ME OUT OF HERE urge. Clearly I'm not destined for crazy Black Friday shopping.

Today Rob and his brother went to a Flyers game downtown so I had a lovely quiet day. There was minimal thanksgiving mess to clean us as I was super careful to clean as we went yesterday, leaving me free to make some stays progress! I cranked up the Christmas Carols and got too it. I managed to squeak the interlinings out of some duck cloth I had on hand, which was AWESOME. I'd really like for this to be an all stash project and I was pretty sure I needed more interlining so huzzah! So far they're all cut out and I got the boning channels all marked on one half and I was standing pondering how the hell I was going to copy them exactly to the other side when Rob got home.

Now I am stuffed with leftover thanksgiving goodness, listening to Christmas music and about to dig into the pile of decorations boxes brought in from the car. 
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Last night I dreamt that I was back in London for something, school or work not sure which. That in it of itself was AWESOME, so I decided to swing through Past Pleasures and see if anyone remembered me, I nervously walked up from the train station and my former boss was coming out the door. She yelled my name and said how happy she was to see me! They wanted me to visit, oh and didn't I know their job offer still stood? (there was no such job offer FYI we did say we'd talk when I graduated, but I didn't want to live that far from family cause I'm a MORON). I was so crazy unbelievable happy. It was that super realistic dream where you think "OMG I'm actually NOT dreaming for once! I'm ACTUALLY here..."...then my husband started snoring in my ear and I woke up..unemployed and depressed. *sigh*
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I just darned my first ever sock. It's perhaps not the most glamorously darned sock ever, but I feel very thrifty, industrious and proud of myself.  

My Grandmother has always been amused that I seem to be trying to revive a lot of the things she went to college for. Her "home economics" degree. For example she gave me her canning bible and canning pot for my bridal shower gift. She got such a kick out of the time Victoria and I made our own laundry detergent to save a couple bucks. So on Thursday I open my mailbox to a packet from Granny. She sent me a copy of How to Sew a Button: and other things your grandmother knewWhich I proceeded to read in the car on the way to MA. It's a very neat book, I highly recommend it. It's filled with little tips from cleaning, to cooking, to clothing care and budgeting. I probably have a leg up on some people, I skipped the chapter on how to sew a button for example. But there were lots of little tips I enjoyed, and more than that it reminded me on a ethos that's lost today. "Use it up, wear it out, make it do or do without" I'm unemployed, Rob's works slowed down, we're in a bit of our own little economic depression...

A few days ago I realized that the vast majority of my socks have holes in them. I grumbled as I didn't really feel like buying new socks...then this book shows up and I started to think about what would my grandmother have done as a kid. Well she'd darn it! and wouldn't you know there's a chapter on darning? So I darned! I'm pretty pleased with myself. I call it one small step towards running a household my Grandmother would be proud of...I've got a ways to do..but someday I'd like to picture myself running a tidy, thrifty, little house....or at least I no longer have a cold toe.
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I'm struggling. I won't lie. I'm struggling to not feel bitter, I'm struggling to not feel hopeless. I'm struggling to not curl up in the fetal position and cry all day.

So I'm trying to take baby steps. I emailed the head of the historic preservation program at BCCC this morning. I showered (yup it's that bad I'll call that an accomplishment). I made the bed.

The goal for today is two more pairs of baby booties for the craft show I'm doing with my friend Amanda on Saturday. So far I have 3 finished pairs and one practically finished pair. They're very sweet and they're finally getting my creative juices flowing. They're wool felt (okay one pair is plain felt they were my practice) with embroidered designs. So far I have the things left over from last year (Hand stamped onsies, bibs, and fleece hats), and I still need to make more bibs, orange and black hats, and stamp tea towels. 

I should probably eat something too. c'mon Robin you can do this.

/end whine
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Trying to work on a resume...mostly just staring at a cursor. I haven't ever made a non-theater resume. This is so foreign and strange to me! What the hell is my objective? If I knew that I don't think this would be as hard...
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Well we made it safely home from the Parents. Very uneventful drive. Mostly I slept and Rob drove. He's a good man.

I keep waking up thinking I'm late for work, I over slept, my alarm didn't go off..but then there's no where to be.  At least I'm up, and when I finish this I shall shower and force myself to start working on the day. 

I order the book [livejournal.com profile] brickhousewench recommended, found it for super cheap on half.com (I like to write in books, libraries always seem to frown on that habit of mine) it was less than $5.00 shipped so I didn't feel bad about the expense.

I'm also sending in a check today for our local harvest festival. It's only $15.00 a space, I did it last year with the upstairs neighbor. I didn't make a ton, but I made some. And heck at this point it's something to keep me busy and bring in a few bucks right?  

I never got around to ordering fabric for my 18th century jacket so now I'm not positive what to do. [livejournal.com profile] blackcat452 has offered me some of her gorgeous fabric, but I feel like I'm becoming a fabric mooch!!  I swung through my local Jomar last week and found na-da and I know Joann's hasn't got a thing. I have some wools I could use, but a solid wool on top and a solid wool on the bottom sounds so boring. I know it's perfectly period, but it just sounds bland. I need some pizzaz! I do still have blue taffeta from my aunt that finally arrived, am I nuts to think about making a polonaise gown? yeah I know I'm nuts..someone smack me...
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Yesterday was my Birthday and thanks to my family and Rob turned out to be a pretty lovely one.

Rob and I went to the apple orchard that was apparently my very first outing (shockingly I don't remember this). But I do remember going in pre-school, playgroup, first grade, and just with my family. It's a very sweet local orchard that has pick your own, a little store of all local produce/products and a small resturant. and the world's BEST apple cider doughnuts. They do pick-your-own by a volume system instead of weight, so the smallest amount you could buy was a bag that held 60 apples! So we now have more Cortlands than I really know what to do with. My grand plan is to make applesauce and can it for the winter. I have this crazy contraption we used as kids called the SqueezO it's a giant food mill.  And it shall make me loads of sauce!



When we got home from apple picking I crashed out and took a nice long nap. My Mom got home from work and frosted a cake for me. With the most amazing homemade frosting ever! She melted chocolate chips in the microwave, added sour cream and vanilla and a pinch of salt and voila! It's sooo delicious. Then we opened a few gifts. Okay everyone but Rob gave me a birthday check (apparently they're sensing I might need cash more than other things) but Rob got me A MEMBERSHIP TO DRESS U!!! WITH ALL THE EVENTS!!! WHEEEE I'm going and doing ALL OF IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAYAYAYAY So a special thank you to [livejournal.com profile] madamekat for helping him find the right website! BEST BIRTHDAY GIFT EVAH!

Now this morning it's raining and dreary, and I know I SHOULD go home, but I don't really want to. Rob and Mark are both still asleep and Mom's left for work. I think I might go doze and watch morning TV for a bit.
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So I'm at my parents house after a weekend excursion into the Catskill mountains with my Sister, Brother-in-law, adopted Sister, adopted BIL, Husband and Brother. It was really wonderful. When there's nothing but the stars to look at and a campfire to cook with you find it kind of easy to shut off. The nights were brisk, in the 20s, but we had fancy warm sleeping bags and a roaring fire.

On Saturday morning we hiked up this trail to Artists Rock which has a stunning view all up the Hudson River Valley. It was a favorite painting spot of the Hudson River school artists and I can see why, it's a gorgeous view for miles. Farther up the mountain was Sunset Rock which faced west into the canyon and had a stunning view of the twin lakes North-South Lake campsite is named for. I'll post pictures when I figure out how to extract them from my brothers camera.

Now I'm at my parents house and surrounded by all the things I find comforting and yet feeling a little lost. These pink walls (yup my mom let me pick my room color when I was 9..) are a world where everything is okay. And outside here I don't really know what to do. It reminds me how incredibly blessed I was to grow up as a child where this house is my safe place and I didn't have to look elsewhere for that.  I fear I'll never be able to provide a child with the kind of stability my parents did.

On the car ride to my parents from the campground Rob started telling me that he thinks we should shoot instructional sewing videos. All kinds, historical and not. Perhaps paired with a pattern, perhaps including drafting your own. For example, you will need XYZ pattern and this DVD to create this entire outfit. I know sewing tutorials are very useful, I'm just sure there's a market for selling DVDs like that, or even downloadable one offs. I did think a DVD of advanced sewing techniques might be useful, welt pockets, bound buttonholes, sewing a packet, etc. I don't know, but it's possible we'll try. After all all we'd pay for is "labor" and at the moment I have that in spades. And I have a professional Film maker in my living room most days...I wish this feeling of anger and dread would dissipate.
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I think I'll probably post a lot more here in the next months as I struggle to figure out my life. I won't lie I've gone through a wiiide range of emotions, Rob got home last night and I just started bawling. The worst part was I felt like I'd let him down. Somehow I'd failed my end of the  bargain and we've only been married a month! He held me close and told me that I didn't dissapoint him at all and we'd be okay together. Made me feel a million times better. 

I didn't do a ton today. I slept for 11 hours last night and woke up at 10. Clearly I feel that emotionally drained. A little like I've been kicked in the teeth, a lot like I've been dumped.  Rob's been shooting all day again today so I'm fending for myself here.  [livejournal.com profile] curiouschilde was home sick today so she chatted to me in the morning. 

I filed for my first ever unemployment claim...seemed relatively pain free which must mean I did something wrong...I also got another bow tie up on etsy (full disclosure I've had it made for months) but it's one new item! I took over the recycling and did some grocery shopping, deposited my last paycheck.  You know it's a bad day when paying $18.00 of groceries makes you panic about money. 

Ithaca college sent me an email today asking for a donation from their alumi. HA! Someday when this degree helps me earn a living where I'm not always one bad month away from disaster I'll give them a call. 

I'm watching some pretty cake show on TLC...now I want cake...
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So I got let go today. The business just can't afford to pay me, and the mortage has to come before an employee. 

Trying to process it all )

So what the hell am I going to do with myself now? Maybe I'll go buy a lottery ticket..

baby steps

Aug. 31st, 2011 08:32 pm
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well I spent most of the day on the couch. I've kept food down for over 24 hours now, but every time I get up to be productive, or sit up too long, I get really tired and unfocused and have to go lay down. I HATE being sick. 

But over the course of 5 hours of poking I managed to cut out the bodice mock-up, and after several tries of sewing things backwards, throwing away my peices, and sewing half of it inside out, I got it put together. That's as far as I can get tonight. Partially cause I'm tired as heck, and partially because there's nooooo way I'm putting on a corset tonight to test the fit. But I can already tell looking at it that there's nooo way my giant arms are fitting through those tiny armscyes. Gonna have to scoop those out farther. 

Any progress is good progress though right?
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 Hmm so a lot has happened since I blogged last...

Lets see, I went up to upstate NY 2, Vermont 1, saw almost the entirety of my family , oh yeah and got married. I'll post a quicky write up of that some other time when the pictures come back, but in the meantime I've moved back to costume things. What can I say, I'm looking to return to that which creatively fulfills me :-)

So my next event this year is Belvidere, If and it's a big if, I can reclaim my sewing room from wedding central, I'd like to make something new. The problem is I have zero idea what. I feel all over the place and kind of lost. I know it's a combination of not being able to see my floor and the post-wedding crash but I just feel lost! 

Someone just tell me what to make...
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Meme stolen from [livejournal.com profile] madamekat 

1981
I'm a twinkle in my Mother's eye.

1991
I am eight. I live on a street that except for the lack of puppets could easily be mistaken for Sesame street. I know all the people up and down my road, our Moms are all friends, we ride bikes up and down the street. Caitlin Crowley is my best friend, her backyard is across the street from my house and we spend hours and hours dressing up and walking up and down the neighborhood. We are known for our fabulous ensembles built of my mom's old bridesmaid dresses, her grandmothers old evening gowns, and random other pieces we've gathered over the years.

2001
I am 18. I graduated High School in 2001. And I started college. I began to experience what it meant to really be an adult. I walked into thin the theater in the round spacee theater building one day and classes were all cancelled and I heard the radio being broadcast . As I stood there the first tower fell and I realized the screams I heard were partially in the radio and partially surrounding me. It was a rough year, I came out of High school with an emotionally abusive boyfriend, an eating disorder, and a serious belief that my life wasn't worth much; with a side dish of teenage invincibility. What do you mean I shouldn't get a degree in sewing with tendonitis at 16.  The first month of my first semester of college I had to call the cops on a friend threatening suicide. It was a rough year.

2011
I am living in a tiny house filled with the things that I value most. I am about to marry the love of my life who makes me laugh every day and constantly reminds me of all that is good in the world. I have an amazing job working for a company that soon will take over the world. (Okay my boss is a tad pushy, but only if you stop scratching her ears) I wish we hadn't had such rough financial years before because all I want to do is buy a house and start nesting. But all will be achieved in good time. I feel like I finally know who I am, I'm going where I want, I have the perfect partner to go there with and now we just need to get the cash flow in order. Anyone know a multimillion dollar film that's looking for a director?

blargh

Feb. 24th, 2011 09:29 pm
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I'm very sore. Lots of typing makes Robin's Elbows Go Yowza! But it will be worth it soon.

Rob is incredibly engrossed the in the Flyers game that just went into overtime. He keeps scaring the Chinchillas with his whooping, clapping and loud yells of "Come ON"

I heard this song on my way up to work yesterday and it was in my head all day. It's so morbid, my High School self would have loooved it's deep dark emoness. But it's really beautiful. Then I looked it up on youtube and it had an entirely different meaning and gave me an intense desire to re-read Anne of Green gables. Whoever designed this video was a big Anne of Green Gables fan.




When I was younger, okay I never outgrew it, I wanted to be Anne of Green Gables. My middle name is Anne. (WITH an "e"), she had red hair which I would have killed for, she was beautiful, she was smart, and she had that quality that made everyone notice when she walked into a room. 

And the Flyers just won. Momo is cowering in his house. At least Rob is grinning ear to ear.
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And between you, me, the wall, and the four people who read my journal...I'm nervous!!! I've pulled out every peice of clothing I own, tried them all on, decided they're all horrible, taken them all off. lather, rinse, repeat. I really want to do well. And I really want this to be perfect. And that makes me nervous!

Guess I better finish getting ready, I should leave in 15 min to make sure I'm not late...don't want to be late on my first day.
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So Rob was appalled by our electric bill this month and turned the head down to 50...consequently I'm sitting here in wool socks, giant fluffy slippers, jeans, shirt, sweater, fleece, gloves...coat...okay no coat...But it's COLD (side note he's standing here in fleece pants, shirtless perfectly happy)

I originally decided that if it was going to be this freezing in here I was going to spend all day in the shower, the only toasty place in the apt, but then I got all pruney.

Today is my  last real day off. I have four more shifts at Joanns and then start at Reconstructing History. I'm sure Kass doesn't expect me to be at the shop 7 days, but small businesses have a way of expanding to fill the space you'll give them...and I do seem to spend my days off talking to her on Gmail chat as it is...

So I'm left wondering what to do with my day off. We had Matt and his Girlfriend Heathyr over for dinner last night so the living room, dining room and kitchen are actually clean. AND I vacuumed. But my sewing room is a disaster, as is our bed room. The laundry has reached epic proportions. I have a return at Kohl's from the In-laws that didn't fit, and a gift card to Old Navy I could spend on new work cloths. I guess I should do the errands before life gets in the way and I don't have time. But I also want to soak up some rest while I can. PLUS there's plotting to be done for costumes for the coming year...decisions decisions...Oh and I should write my thank you note. and I HAVE to mail rent today...
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So I was going to write one of these great Costume recaps like everyone else and then I came the horrible realization that I only made TWO outfits all year...and one was only a bodice. I MUST improve this for next year. However I did accomplish a fair amount in life, so to make me feel better my things-that-got-in-the-way-of-costuming recap

1. I took a non-matriculated graduate course at temple in the spring semester. I had to read around 700 pages a week...I ended with a B+

2. Rob and I moved into an apt that required gutting and rebuilding the kitchen, along with repainting everything, scraping the ceiling and insulating the walls. I did however learn to and installed a sink all by myself!

3. Rob and I got engaged and with that came all the wedding planning crap. I bought a dress, set a date, and found a location.

4. I suckered , begged, convinced [livejournal.com profile] kass_rants that she should hire me to a fabulously exciting new job! So I'm leaving Joann's in 6 more shifts. And tomorrow I don't even have to be grumpy about since it's a holiday and I get time and a half. I will miss the good people I work with but I am SO ready to join the fabulous team at RH. I'm going to bring treats my first day since I figure if I win them over with treats I'll be starting on the right foot.

So with all that said I don't feel so bad about not having had time or energy to make stuff. I'm sure with my new job where I'll be dressing up much more I shall very quickly get tired of the same 10 outfits  I currently have and make lots of things for events.

and now to watch the ball drop in my jammies and be in bed by 12:30 as I have to work at 7 tomorrow and am old.
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So I haven't posted in here in ages, but frankly I haven't really had much to post about. I haven't done a stitch of sewing, I've done a lot of reading for graduate school and a lot of stressing about work...and life...

So today I have a day off and what do I do with it? I sit and troll the internet, play on facebook, look at a billion coupon blogs...WASTE the whole day. Did I clean anything? No Did I do laundry? NO did I sew anything? NO I made my entire fantasy wedding and looked for antique wedding veils when I'm not even engaged. *sigh*

So what is this fear that paralyzes me so? Why haven't I been working on my graduate school application? The deadline is quickly approaching. Why can't I bring myself to work on it? Even look at it?

Because I'm terrified I'm not going to get in. If I don't get into grad school then I'm Stuck at Jo-Ann's fulltime, even if I do get in, how the hell do I pay for it? Thus I'm STILL stuck at JoAnn's. I'm so ready for a new job that I like more with new challenges.  I'm paralyzed with this fear of failure. It's not like I'm trying to do that much, but it feels so overwhelming that I haven't done ANYTHING. 

I wish I could just turn off the little voice that says I'm gonna fail no matter what I do.  
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So I haven't posted in here in ages, but frankly I haven't really had much to post about. I haven't done a stitch of sewing, I've done a lot of reading for graduate school and a lot of stressing about work...and life...

So today I have a day off and what do I do with it? I sit and troll the internet, play on facebook, look at a billion coupon blogs...WASTE the whole day. Did I clean anything? No Did I do laundry? NO did I sew anything? NO I made my entire fantasy wedding and looked for antique wedding veils when I'm not even engaged. *sigh*

So what is this fear that paralyzes me so? Why haven't I been working on my graduate school application? The deadline is quickly approaching. Why can't I bring myself to work on it? Even look at it?

Because I'm terrified I'm not going to get in. If I don't get into grad school then I'm Stuck at Jo-Ann's fulltime, even if I do get in, how the hell do I pay for it? Thus I'm STILL stuck at JoAnn's. I'm so ready for a new job that I like more with new challenges.  I'm paralyzed with this fear of failure. It's not like I'm trying to do that much, but it feels so overwhelming that I haven't done ANYTHING. 

I wish I could just turn off the little voice that says I'm gonna fail no matter what I do.  

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