change

 I've been reflecting a lot on change this weekend. Rob left me last night to go to a concert and play a memorial video he put together for a musician we knew at the Ren Faire (yes I was invited. no I didn't want to go. I was feeling quiet). I haven't seen said musician in a long time or the band, but looking at the short snippets he shot on his phone it's weird to me that only one of the original band members is remaining from 2006...but then 2006 was 13 years ago. Wasn't my summer romance to his man I married just yesterday? 

So I was sitting at home alone and feeling nostalgic. Last night was the Francaise Dinner and I was feeling nostalgic for the simpler times. I'm sad that an event I loved so much and helped start is a place where I no longer feel welcome. I miss the times when my costume life and friendships didn't feel so damn complicated. I am well aware of my faults and contributions to the great schism but...while I don't want to go back to the way it was before sometimes it's easy to view those times with rose colored glasses. It also feels like last year not seven years ago...where did the time go? I wish the fences could be mended and friendships that are lost could at least not feel like scars and instead like acquaintances. I know at least I'm not the person I was. How could I be? I think something as major as a career change from theater to nursing has to change you in some ways. I hope it's for the better. 

And I do hope that this new group of costumers that I see going to the Francaise Dinner now and I can be friends someday. I do love meeting new people and making new friends. It's kind of strange to realize we aren't the "new" generation of costumers, there's a whole wave who have never heard of LJ or long for the days of dress diaries. Hell they think blogs are out dated probably. 

Well Rob's going to drag me to captain marvel today, perhaps that can pull me out of my nostalgic fog.