sewloud

Well the job interview went really well. I thought the atmosphere of the practice was awesome, I met 3 of 5 doctors and felt very comfortable asking all of them questions. They were welcoming and excited at the possibility of my coming. I was offered the job before I left. The salary was kind of low, and it wasn't hospital experience so I hemmed and hawed a bit. But it boiled down to 1) a job when no one else was interested in me 2) experience in primary care which is what I really think I want to get an NP and do forever...best way to find out? TRY IT! So I counter offered with a slightly higher salary but one that hit a benchmark I was more comfortable with then and they called today to accept!!! The nurse manager is having her hip replaced tomorrow so I will officially start Oct 26th!

I am so excited to be working! And not have to work any nights, holidays and only one saturday morning a month! In pediatrics! 15 min from my house! With a really wonderful welcoming atmopshere!

Guess this is the last time I can use the "nursing school" tag...weeeird.

Well I'm not going to do a year end review as I made a grand total of 2 things. *headdesk* Apparently working two jobs, going to school full time in the fall and working full time plus a second job plus online school and moving in the spring was more than I could wedge costuming into.

But it was a good year. There was a lot of transition in my life this year. Letting go of people who were not healthy for me and their issues, growing closer to friends, and entering a wonderful new chapter in my life. I'm both happier and more exaughsted than I've ever been. When they say an accelerated program is intense they're not kidding. But while the individual days drag on the weeks sure fly by!

I'm already over halfway through my Christmas vacation. Rob's family was here and that was both intense and very fun. I haven't stayed home for Christmas since going away to college, so that was very fun. Then there were a few days of sitting on the couch knitting and drooling, those were very good for me. But tomorrow at 6am I go into Joann's, probably also good as it'll force me to be productive.

I'd like to get some sewing done over this break. I already cleaned my sewing room from top to bottom before Christmas. Talk about relief! Seeing the floor in there is SO. NICE. I'm going to either start things for me for Rememberance Day or things for Rob. Either way, the goal is to actually sew ahead so I have time to finish things...that's the goal at least. Who knows, maybe i'll do more sitting on my butt. 

Lets see I've started clinicals now. I'm at Penn Presbyterian Hospital down town on a general med surg floor that mostly gets ortho patients but has a fair amount of overflow patients from the general population. I shadowed a nurse on Thursday and this Wednesday I'll get my first patient. I am of course still nervous to have a real patient but also excited. I LOVED shadowing, it was very reassuring to me that it felt so "right."  Waking up at 5am IS taking some adjusting, but like all things worthwhile sacrifices must be made.

I have been sewing..........a tiny tiny bit. I cut out a new pair of stays and got half of my boning channels all marked out. And I'm one line away from finishing the first of the two blackwork cuffs.

thinking about the ren faire I don't feel like making something new. Frankly I don't feel very welcome to join my "friends" anymore there. So while Rob wants to go and dress up and we will no doubt go at least twice I think my goal is to lose enough weight to re-wear something. Preferably my green dress as it will go well with my blackwork cuffs if I finish the other.  (One of Rob's groomsmen is King Henry this year and Rob very much wants to go play with him, so we'll go and crash with Ryan a few times and just hang out no doubt. Probably just for a random day on our own.)

Oh and on Wednesday my Mom and Brother-in-law fly to Africa to visit my Brother. Please think safe thoughts for their trip and return. 

I got 100% and 15/15 on my two midterms today!!!!!! I was SO incredibly nervous about the vital signs practical. My Mom told me to just "own your emotions, admit it and work with it" so I was just frank with my partner and my professor that I was hella nervous, and somehow just saying it out loud really calmed me down.  PHEW such a load off!

On to the next challenge! 

My first day of nursing school is tomorrow at 8:30am. I feel positively vibratey with excitement, nerves, eagerness and terror.

Lately one of my very best friends has suddenly decided for reasons I don't know to no longer seem to like me, and that's just heightened my feeling that OMG the other students will hate me and I'll be with them the whole time and EEK! I know...what am I in middle school? I just want to have good friends in school to work with, we're all pulling each other through this thing.

I know by this time tomorrow I'll have completely different feelings, I'll have a better sense of where I'm going, what it's like. I'll be into the meat of the course by tomorrow. My first class only runs two weeks so I know we're going to hit the ground running.

But for tonight..I feel like there's a bouncy ball catapulting around my insides. 

I was supposed to start nursing school in two weeks. A great adventure. I bought my first day of school outfit. I was SO excited.


Apparently Villanova sent me a letter I didn't get. And I was supposed to send a deposit I didn't send. They gave my seat away.

I cannot stop sobbing. I cannot breath. I gave notice at work, I was ready for this change. Now I'm nowhere. They offered to defer my acceptance to 2015. Another year of scraping by, another year of working two jobs.

I am sobbing at the idea of having to tell everyone how I screwed up, how there's nothing I can do to fix it, how I'm a failure. I have never felt like such a failure. How am I going to tell my parents who were so proud. All the customers who were talking to me about my leaving. I feel so stupid for messing this up. I'm in a section of patho specifically for this program, I've been emailing with the director with questions. How did no one notice I wasn't in the program?

I don't know what to do. I want to curl up in a ball and never go out into the world again. 

I've been reviewing Anatomy and Physiology until my eyes are crossing. I have my big final tomorrow and I so very very much want to maintain my 4.0. I know it's stupid, but this time around I feel so much more invested and I CARE so much more. I feel like I have a lot to prove to myself and others. This class is HARD. So far we've had about a 60% drop rate and apparently people typically bomb the final. Thus my trying to study till my eyes cross. All the tissue types, bone structures, muscle physiology and activation potentials are starting to blur together. Part of me just wants it to be over...and yet I'd kill for another week to study.


Just incase anyone's wondered if I died that's where I've been...after tomorrow I will finally have time to breath. 

I turned in (electronically) my final psych paper and take home final today, and had my bio final this morning. Just Chemistry on Wednesday and semester one on Robin's-quest-to-be-a-nurse complete! Then I start classes the very next day for the summer. :-) No rest for the wicked I suppose.