sewloud

Lets see highlight of the day has been weeding away at the flower beds and pulling out a clump of poison ivy. I am sometimes glad that nurses learn about taking things off carefully. I stripped off gloves, all clothing and shoes. I washed very well with soap and water and then added a layer of hydrocortisone for my psychosomatic itching. I've had one possible poison ivy rash in the past but I'd like to avoid finding out if I'm truly sensitive too it....I mean I'd be surprised if I wasn't as I have stupid sensitive skin that reacts to normal weeds. thus I wear gloves when I weed.

Otherwise things are fine. I'm officially a supervisor at work and the first thing I had to do was report someone for possible abuse. which now all her friends are claiming I made up...because THAT would be SO fun to do to myself. She's been rough around the edges with the kids a lot lately so I'm not sure how no one saw this coming. It's been a fun part of being promoted. *insert eyeroll* My last two shifts I actually had to work the floor due to being short staffed so it still feels much the same

I have a youtube video to edit or a blog post to write about my Edwardian-shirt-waist-in-a-day project. I'm pleased with how it came out but it makes me want to make another one in calico with a nice work skirt and apron and..I dunno shell peas? the whole end of the world has really brought out my Little House dreams of childhood. My sister just got chickens too, but Rob won't eat the eggs owing to his OCD so it seems silly to have chickens. Maybe a goat?

I'm kinda feeling stuck on the youtube editing because...It sounds vain but the person on that footage is not what the person in my head looks like and I find that really...hard? It's not like I wouldn't think it was lovely on a stranger, but all I see is 5 chins and 'what happened to my youth' 'where did all those wrinkles come from?' and in some really really really convoluted way it ties back to our fertility struggles and "well I'm an old lady now, guess this is what my life will always look like"



Lets try brickhousewench 's five happy things
1. Rob is mowing the lawn. with his history of mental health struggles any time he can just do normal chores without it being a struggle for him I celebrate the victory
2. It's a beautiful cool breezy day as I write this on the patio
3. I'm not unemployed which such a huge swathe of humanity is
4. My beautiful niece turned FIVE yesterday which also means I've been a nurse 5 years.
5. It's memorial day and I haven't had to put the AC in yet! yay lower carbon footprint.

I haven't posted much here. bad me. There isn't a ton TO post. Lets see still working a lot. Still really enjoying my job. Have a mountain of events coming up at the end of the summer and paralyzed unable to start sewing any of them for some unknown reason.

I have my period and I was woken up passing a huge clot this morning, I feel weepy and disgusting. I am due for an annual and my previous GYN got absorbed by another practice. I only saw her one time, should I look for someone less than 30 min from where I live? maybe. I suspect things in there are complicated and I need to face them.

Rob is...well I think he's making progress. It's small but I can see it. He's had a bad couple of days so it's hard to remember how far we've come. I feel protective of him. His therapist was in a car accident so she wasn't in last week, won't be in this week and the week after is the 4th. I feel torn about what to do. He really really likes this therapist. but he also said to me last week "I can tell I'm not ready to go ever other week" I feel frustrated about that. He's negotiating for work on a film he was really excited to work on, but they blew most of their budget earlier in the process so...I don't know as long as he's making more than minimum wage I guess I should be happy.

The raspberry canes are having their biannual glut. 17 cups picked so far. I made jam tonight and blithely dumped an 8 cup pyrex plus one cup for a recipe that called for 5 cups. Only realized it when I was combining yesterday and today's berries. D'OH! Well it made jam...it's just rather tart and dark in color and when it cools may be so thick it's...hard. OOPS. Guess we'll see when it cools? Who likes low sugar tart jam?

Well work is definitely getting easier. I walk out of a 12 hour day with a few brain cells left to rub together. I've been on my own twice now which is great. On Sunday I did have a kid try and die on me which I did NOT appreciate. Yo kid, keep with the breathing please! but otherwise been going smoothly...everyone is nice...but still in a kind of distant way. Don't feel like I've made any really friends yet. For example I've come every day since Christmas with a rubber chicken purse...and no one has commented? I feel like that's noteworthy...

Rob's really struggling with withdrawl symptoms from his cymbalta. Apparently that's a stand alone diagnosis it has such a bad rap. Days of just crying uncontrollably or feelings of rage and suicidal ideation. *sigh* it's been a rocky ride. But Friday he starts his new meds and hopefully we're headed upwards from there. Today does seem better than yesterday. And he worked Thursday, Friday, Sunday, Tuesday and again this Saturday. Not huge jobs but just getting him OUT and into contact with his world is a step forward.

I ended up with two days off in a row because one of the doctors at my other job had eye surgery and it didn't go well so he didn't come back on Monday as expected so woohoo day off for me...but I didn't get a lot done. I did some minor picking up and a lot of puttering and knit on this pinball. But I'm having a hard time not feeling like I'm walking underwater. I know a lot of it is internalizing Rob.


So here have a pinball progress photo. I'm officially 25% complete with the first side. I'm hoping to have it complete for the Georgian Picnic some of us have decided to have in May...btw if anyone wants to come to a Georgian Picnic and I didn't invite on FB just lemme know I would love to add you. 

I had the whole weekend off *gasp* I KNOW! That's going to be a thing of never come starting my new job. But we did fun things both Saturday and Sunday this one.

On Saturday we went to a Flyers game downtown. I got free tickets through work, the Physical Therapy company that sponsors the team has a box and all the regional reps get a turn hosting events and bringing local office staff.

It's kind of a fun escape from my reality. You pick up tickets in the VIP entrance, go up a special elevator with a person who escorts you to this fancy box. The seats were amazing, all the free food I could eat, there was beer for the drinkers and soda for the mes. We've gone to a Phillies game before, and a Philadelphia Soul game (arena football) but this was special as Rob is a HUGE Flyers fan and he was practically vibrating. Even though they lost it was really fun experience. I bought a Christmas Ornament as a momento.

TODAY I went to the Narberth Dicken's Festival with my Peeps. okay SOME of my Peeps. SOME people ditched us for "Homework" sketchy excuses *coughmandie_rw cough*

It was billed as a "family friend" event so I brought the whole family! Granted this was because 10 min before leaving Rob said "can Ellie go? and I can wear my plaid pants?!" I mean I'm not gonna argue with a well dressed man.

The party consisted of the Coccagna Family and miss_philomena , hiraimi came but didn't dress. We were definitely the most fully dressed of the spectators...but who does this shock? We had some delicious fish and chips for lunch (okay Rob had chicken fingers as he's a very bad Brit), then picked up our tin cups to go "begging" for wooden pennies form various characters for the scavenger hunt. Mostly it was us and mobs of small children. I kept telling people "we're not too old to play dress up so I'm not too old to play. And everyone kept asking if we were characters. Can't blame them we looked awesome.

After we collected our seven pennies we cashed them in for a bronze shilling that was basically good for $5 towards anything in the festival. You could get a cheap top hat or a cup of hot cocoa. We picked a carriage ride.

Then we ran into some not LJ costumer friends, watched a snippet of a questionable Punch and Judy show and tried to eat a MASSIVE piece of baklava without a fork...THAT'S NOT A FINGER FOOD. I went into the shop and got a fork.

All in all it was a super fun, easy event. I would happily go next year. BUT with more than 5 min notice I can definitely do better than a bow on the dog. Newsboy puppy? little top hat? She actually wears costumes well so the possibilities are many...

I don't wanna go to work tomorrow.

*dog bumps into me when I have a glass of eggnog*
Me - "dammit I spilled eggnog and it's on the rug"
Rob- "Ellie look eggnog" *points*
*dog frantically licking carpet*
Me- "is this your idea of cleaning?"
Rob - "are you saying it's not working"
Me- "touche"

According to Flightaware Rob is flying somewhere over Ohio at the moment, only one more state and he's home!!! Have a week plus at home alone has been at times relaxing, indulgent, lonely, and long. I can't WAIT for him to get home. In 15 min I'll leave to go get him. I cannot wait for a good nights sleep, I just don't sleep well without him anymore. I'm so pathetic :-p

I turned in (electronically) my final psych paper and take home final today, and had my bio final this morning. Just Chemistry on Wednesday and semester one on Robin's-quest-to-be-a-nurse complete! Then I start classes the very next day for the summer. :-) No rest for the wicked I suppose.

Yesterday Rob helped me fit the 18th century jacket mock-up I made. Poor man, I probably shouldn't ask him to try and help me fit the back of something that's obviously WAAAAY to big when I'm already on a short thread...we'll just say it's a good thing we are already married and he can't bail now...that and showing him a picture of what it's SUPPOSED to look like is a very helpful tool. You should all feel really bad for him, he got the serious short end of the stick. The mock-up was way way way too big, we took inches out of everywhere.

Today I carefully marked my new stitching lines, cut apart the old mock-up and just to see how evenly he took out the extra I layed it over the old pattern...Rob came into the sewing room so see why I was laughing so hysterically...It was EXACTLY the same everywhere except the front panel which was an inch larger...I just needed to add 2" down the CF and the damn thing would have fit perfectly. Apparently I gained all my weight around the front, which I did kind of know I went up a cup size and carry most of my weight in the belly area.  Serves me right for torturing my poor husband. 

I've cut and sewn together a new mock up and tonight my upstairs neighbor who sews is going to give me a fitting go...I think Rob's still hiding from me.

So I'm at my parents house after a weekend excursion into the Catskill mountains with my Sister, Brother-in-law, adopted Sister, adopted BIL, Husband and Brother. It was really wonderful. When there's nothing but the stars to look at and a campfire to cook with you find it kind of easy to shut off. The nights were brisk, in the 20s, but we had fancy warm sleeping bags and a roaring fire.

On Saturday morning we hiked up this trail to Artists Rock which has a stunning view all up the Hudson River Valley. It was a favorite painting spot of the Hudson River school artists and I can see why, it's a gorgeous view for miles. Farther up the mountain was Sunset Rock which faced west into the canyon and had a stunning view of the twin lakes North-South Lake campsite is named for. I'll post pictures when I figure out how to extract them from my brothers camera.

Now I'm at my parents house and surrounded by all the things I find comforting and yet feeling a little lost. These pink walls (yup my mom let me pick my room color when I was 9..) are a world where everything is okay. And outside here I don't really know what to do. It reminds me how incredibly blessed I was to grow up as a child where this house is my safe place and I didn't have to look elsewhere for that.  I fear I'll never be able to provide a child with the kind of stability my parents did.

On the car ride to my parents from the campground Rob started telling me that he thinks we should shoot instructional sewing videos. All kinds, historical and not. Perhaps paired with a pattern, perhaps including drafting your own. For example, you will need XYZ pattern and this DVD to create this entire outfit. I know sewing tutorials are very useful, I'm just sure there's a market for selling DVDs like that, or even downloadable one offs. I did think a DVD of advanced sewing techniques might be useful, welt pockets, bound buttonholes, sewing a packet, etc. I don't know, but it's possible we'll try. After all all we'd pay for is "labor" and at the moment I have that in spades. And I have a professional Film maker in my living room most days...I wish this feeling of anger and dread would dissipate.