still here

[robinsnest]

 I keep sitting down to journal and staring at a blank cursor....Firstly thank you SO MUCH for the amazing gifts and cards. I am humbled and touched and feel so so loved. And very excited to start many a knitting project. I've already started a pin ball from a little kit from [Bad username or unknown identity: koshka_the_cat, i] haven't taken any photos yet as I'm still in the "knit 20 rows" and it's very boring. 14 rows in it's about 5/8"? I'm too lazy to find a ruler.

I haven't been on here a lot because the new job, while good, is currently taking a lot out of me. It's not that it's impossibly hard or anything, it's just hard that I'm not used to and haven't mastered. There's lots of skills and knowledge I haven't touched since nursing school. I had to go back and review ventilators and what all the numbers MEAN. So by the time I get up at 5:30, leave at 6:15, work from 7-7 and get home by 7:30 I kind of stare at the walls for a while, eat what food Rob puts in front of me and go to sleep. I think the 12 hour day will be awesome when I'm more adjusted and can enjoy my 4 days off a week (granted I'm still working 1-2 days a week at the OLD job so I'm working more than 40 hours a week). 

Things with Rob actually seem to be a little better. It's small things like he'll do dishes without asking, or I came home one day and he had picked up the living room and dining room. He's seeing a therapist every week and had an appointment with a psychiatrist on Wednesday. So we have a plan to try adjusting his meds and while I want to skip ahead to the point of "we have a great medication plan that works and is test" I realize that's not going to happen. But I'll take the small boosts. 

2018 feels like a big scary hole. Will I get this job under control so I'm not a zombie? Will I start to enjoy it and not feel like I'm barely keeping it together soon? Will Rob continue to improve? Will we get our finances right side up (PLEASE GOD)? I want to feel hopeful about the New Year. and I guess as I'm at heart an optimist I'm trying to think about the good. So I raise my glass to all of you my beloved LJ/DW friends. Thank you for being here for me when I need it and I promise to try and be better about posting.

Comments

[penwiper]

Oh boy, that big shift into a tougher job is HARD. You'll get through it, though, and in the meantime you're doing the best thing by getting lots of sleep nd just coping until you adjust. One day you'll suddenly realize that you have energy again! Good luck in the New Year. :)

[llyrafantasyfae]

I know I shouldn’t be grateful to see your struggle. It I do enjoy seeing another nurse say she’s not sure if she can handle those hours. It’s one of the things I’m struggling with and just hoping I can make Work and still live my life. I don’t want to work a ward, at all. I know I don’t have the bedside manner to not quickly dissolve into one of Those nurses that hates her job and everyone knows it. I like the faster pace of the ER, but the keep saying I have to do the Ward first. 😖

[totchipanda]

You tackled 2017 like a boss and 2018 is going to get in line too. You rock <3

[beradan]

Happy new year!

[brickhousewench]

Baby steps. That's how things change. Small improvements, over time, really add up.

Here's to 2018 being better than 2017!

[sewtimely]

*Hugs* I hope the shift routine gets routine quick And that eventually you'll be able to leave the old job.

Glad the Rob is being more helpful. Meds and getting them balanced is the worst.

[girliegirl32786]

*hugs* Happy New Year! I hope things improve and even out for you guys this year.