Crisis of Identity
Mar. 2nd, 2010 04:59 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
robinsnestSo I haven't posted in here in ages, but frankly I haven't really had much to post about. I haven't done a stitch of sewing, I've done a lot of reading for graduate school and a lot of stressing about work...and life...
So today I have a day off and what do I do with it? I sit and troll the internet, play on facebook, look at a billion coupon blogs...WASTE the whole day. Did I clean anything? No Did I do laundry? NO did I sew anything? NO I made my entire fantasy wedding and looked for antique wedding veils when I'm not even engaged. *sigh*
So what is this fear that paralyzes me so? Why haven't I been working on my graduate school application? The deadline is quickly approaching. Why can't I bring myself to work on it? Even look at it?
Because I'm terrified I'm not going to get in. If I don't get into grad school then I'm Stuck at Jo-Ann's fulltime, even if I do get in, how the hell do I pay for it? Thus I'm STILL stuck at JoAnn's. I'm so ready for a new job that I like more with new challenges. I'm paralyzed with this fear of failure. It's not like I'm trying to do that much, but it feels so overwhelming that I haven't done ANYTHING.
I wish I could just turn off the little voice that says I'm gonna fail no matter what I do.
So today I have a day off and what do I do with it? I sit and troll the internet, play on facebook, look at a billion coupon blogs...WASTE the whole day. Did I clean anything? No Did I do laundry? NO did I sew anything? NO I made my entire fantasy wedding and looked for antique wedding veils when I'm not even engaged. *sigh*
So what is this fear that paralyzes me so? Why haven't I been working on my graduate school application? The deadline is quickly approaching. Why can't I bring myself to work on it? Even look at it?
Because I'm terrified I'm not going to get in. If I don't get into grad school then I'm Stuck at Jo-Ann's fulltime, even if I do get in, how the hell do I pay for it? Thus I'm STILL stuck at JoAnn's. I'm so ready for a new job that I like more with new challenges. I'm paralyzed with this fear of failure. It's not like I'm trying to do that much, but it feels so overwhelming that I haven't done ANYTHING.
I wish I could just turn off the little voice that says I'm gonna fail no matter what I do.
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no subject
Date: 2010-03-03 01:49 am (UTC)Remember this: There is only one option if you don't try, and *that* isn't an option, is it? If you do try, there is a pretty good chance you'll get in and change your life. Don't worry today about how you'll pay for it...that's what your advisers are for.
OK, picture the worst case scenario: Oh, wait. The worst case scenario is that you didn't try and regret it 5 and 10 years from now ;P
You are a smart girl and Temple would be thrilled to have you!
(and if it makes you feel any better, my African studies prof gave out the mid term exam essay questions last week, and I was so terrified that I couldn't answer them that I didn't look at them until Sunday. Turns out I was worried for nothing! So I know how you feel about being scared and overwhelmed.)