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Apr. 30th, 2002
People are never what you think
Apr. 30th, 2002 10:32 pmI don't really know why that's my subject, I said it to sio today and somehow it struck a chord with me. Because so often people aren't what you think, I thought Sean H. was the sweetest person, that was wrong. I thought kevin would understad that I was scared and wanted to cry to him, he didn't. I thought I could always count on keaton, I thought Fisbee boy would be a great friend to get to know...well that hasn't really happened I see so little of him. I thought I would never want to stay here a min longer than I had to... somehow I don't know what I know anymore. I feel so mixed up, and my back hurts. I really need kevin, he gives good backrubs.
I'm so drained, not really tired but emotionally burned out. I just want to laugh and smile and recharge myself but everyone is burned out and dragging out feet. I need a night to just watch a movie and be held...oh kevin...you're needed...more than you know lol ;-)
I think everyone's on a real short rope this week, we're ready to be done. but at the same time I'm afraid I'll lose all the wonderful friendships I've found up here. and I don't want that. there are people here who have touched my heart in many ways. even those I don't talk to as much, Dave influenced me, and i'm better for it in the end took a while but I am, then keaton of course, Jen, Dina, even frisbee boy who doesn't really talk to me anymore somehow I shared a connection that felt really good with him and I managed to open up and let go of some shit. which is very very good and I'm very thankful to him for that. I don't like how shut out I feel right now, but everything's crazy.
and now a funny thing for the day. I set some goals for myself to meet six in fact and I quote
1. write intro to writing paper
2. write intro to politics paper
3. finish sewing bears paws
4. politics reading
5. wash dirty spoon (it had been on my desk for too long)
6. practice guitar
I managed to do all but the guitar. :-) be proud of me.
and back to the philosphical crap because i'm brain dead and somehow that means i overthink things...youd think i'd think less...but i don't work that way
I'm wondering what it'll be like to suddenly be home, It won't be like last semester, I'm so diffrent. I'm a lot more confident, and hopefully mature. I feel very diffrent, grown up. I think i'm calmer, quieter, I think I handle stress better, I think I stand up for myself more. I think I smile more. The truth is this week i'm so damn burnt out that I may seem depressed but I'm tired, and stressed, but right now I'm fine. i'm more than fine :-
I'm so drained, not really tired but emotionally burned out. I just want to laugh and smile and recharge myself but everyone is burned out and dragging out feet. I need a night to just watch a movie and be held...oh kevin...you're needed...more than you know lol ;-)
I think everyone's on a real short rope this week, we're ready to be done. but at the same time I'm afraid I'll lose all the wonderful friendships I've found up here. and I don't want that. there are people here who have touched my heart in many ways. even those I don't talk to as much, Dave influenced me, and i'm better for it in the end took a while but I am, then keaton of course, Jen, Dina, even frisbee boy who doesn't really talk to me anymore somehow I shared a connection that felt really good with him and I managed to open up and let go of some shit. which is very very good and I'm very thankful to him for that. I don't like how shut out I feel right now, but everything's crazy.
and now a funny thing for the day. I set some goals for myself to meet six in fact and I quote
1. write intro to writing paper
2. write intro to politics paper
3. finish sewing bears paws
4. politics reading
5. wash dirty spoon (it had been on my desk for too long)
6. practice guitar
I managed to do all but the guitar. :-) be proud of me.
and back to the philosphical crap because i'm brain dead and somehow that means i overthink things...youd think i'd think less...but i don't work that way
I'm wondering what it'll be like to suddenly be home, It won't be like last semester, I'm so diffrent. I'm a lot more confident, and hopefully mature. I feel very diffrent, grown up. I think i'm calmer, quieter, I think I handle stress better, I think I stand up for myself more. I think I smile more. The truth is this week i'm so damn burnt out that I may seem depressed but I'm tired, and stressed, but right now I'm fine. i'm more than fine :-
People are never what you think
Apr. 30th, 2002 10:32 pmI don't really know why that's my subject, I said it to sio today and somehow it struck a chord with me. Because so often people aren't what you think, I thought Sean H. was the sweetest person, that was wrong. I thought kevin would understad that I was scared and wanted to cry to him, he didn't. I thought I could always count on keaton, I thought Fisbee boy would be a great friend to get to know...well that hasn't really happened I see so little of him. I thought I would never want to stay here a min longer than I had to... somehow I don't know what I know anymore. I feel so mixed up, and my back hurts. I really need kevin, he gives good backrubs.
I'm so drained, not really tired but emotionally burned out. I just want to laugh and smile and recharge myself but everyone is burned out and dragging out feet. I need a night to just watch a movie and be held...oh kevin...you're needed...more than you know lol ;-)
I think everyone's on a real short rope this week, we're ready to be done. but at the same time I'm afraid I'll lose all the wonderful friendships I've found up here. and I don't want that. there are people here who have touched my heart in many ways. even those I don't talk to as much, Dave influenced me, and i'm better for it in the end took a while but I am, then keaton of course, Jen, Dina, even frisbee boy who doesn't really talk to me anymore somehow I shared a connection that felt really good with him and I managed to open up and let go of some shit. which is very very good and I'm very thankful to him for that. I don't like how shut out I feel right now, but everything's crazy.
and now a funny thing for the day. I set some goals for myself to meet six in fact and I quote
1. write intro to writing paper
2. write intro to politics paper
3. finish sewing bears paws
4. politics reading
5. wash dirty spoon (it had been on my desk for too long)
6. practice guitar
I managed to do all but the guitar. :-) be proud of me.
and back to the philosphical crap because i'm brain dead and somehow that means i overthink things...youd think i'd think less...but i don't work that way
I'm wondering what it'll be like to suddenly be home, It won't be like last semester, I'm so diffrent. I'm a lot more confident, and hopefully mature. I feel very diffrent, grown up. I think i'm calmer, quieter, I think I handle stress better, I think I stand up for myself more. I think I smile more. The truth is this week i'm so damn burnt out that I may seem depressed but I'm tired, and stressed, but right now I'm fine. i'm more than fine :-
I'm so drained, not really tired but emotionally burned out. I just want to laugh and smile and recharge myself but everyone is burned out and dragging out feet. I need a night to just watch a movie and be held...oh kevin...you're needed...more than you know lol ;-)
I think everyone's on a real short rope this week, we're ready to be done. but at the same time I'm afraid I'll lose all the wonderful friendships I've found up here. and I don't want that. there are people here who have touched my heart in many ways. even those I don't talk to as much, Dave influenced me, and i'm better for it in the end took a while but I am, then keaton of course, Jen, Dina, even frisbee boy who doesn't really talk to me anymore somehow I shared a connection that felt really good with him and I managed to open up and let go of some shit. which is very very good and I'm very thankful to him for that. I don't like how shut out I feel right now, but everything's crazy.
and now a funny thing for the day. I set some goals for myself to meet six in fact and I quote
1. write intro to writing paper
2. write intro to politics paper
3. finish sewing bears paws
4. politics reading
5. wash dirty spoon (it had been on my desk for too long)
6. practice guitar
I managed to do all but the guitar. :-) be proud of me.
and back to the philosphical crap because i'm brain dead and somehow that means i overthink things...youd think i'd think less...but i don't work that way
I'm wondering what it'll be like to suddenly be home, It won't be like last semester, I'm so diffrent. I'm a lot more confident, and hopefully mature. I feel very diffrent, grown up. I think i'm calmer, quieter, I think I handle stress better, I think I stand up for myself more. I think I smile more. The truth is this week i'm so damn burnt out that I may seem depressed but I'm tired, and stressed, but right now I'm fine. i'm more than fine :-