so many times now i seem to look back
Nov. 12th, 2002 11:56 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
robinsnestI don't think in high school I spent nearly as much time remembering the past, perhaps because I didn't have as much life to look back on, or because life had always been pretty much in the same vein. I knew who i was, where I was, and in what direction I was headed. Losing the security has been the most wonderful and most frightening experience of my life.
anyway i spent a lovely chunk of time just remembering. all the people who I never talk to and i really wish I still did. I slowly sorted through a stack of pictures my mother finally developed this fall and sent to me on my birthday. pictures from Macbeth, pictures from parties. every glossy image vividly bringing back a moment. One is of tom and I, this must have been when we were dating based on the other photos on the roll. we're sitting in my living room and his arms are around me. my legs curled up. we look so happy goofy smiles on both our faces, i admit i see more beauty in his image than mine but i look for flaws within my self. althought i was struck by how both of us had that summer skin that seems to glow alittle. other photos reveiled Josh and Andrew, who I never seem to speak to anymore, and I genuinely with I hadn't lost touch with them. I don't even remember why we don't seem to talk anymore. more of life's growing pains i suspect. There are so many others I don't talk to anymore, Megan, and Megan. Two of may amazing friends who seem to never encounter me anymore, Colleen, danielle, nora the list could go on and on. Then I found VH1's "top 100 love songs" and pulled out my last two photo albums...ahh memories. here's the thing I'm not depressed or discouraged with life, Heck I had a great time at late night tonight with friends, but it's a bittersweet thing.
I sat at late night for the first hour or so and just seemed to zone out and stare to the right above the door, just above the in the bag coolers. I felt like if i stared hard enough I'd find the answers I've been looking for the past few days, but no answers came. I know the answers are around here, I just can't grasp them. Perhaps because I can't find the questions..
anyway i spent a lovely chunk of time just remembering. all the people who I never talk to and i really wish I still did. I slowly sorted through a stack of pictures my mother finally developed this fall and sent to me on my birthday. pictures from Macbeth, pictures from parties. every glossy image vividly bringing back a moment. One is of tom and I, this must have been when we were dating based on the other photos on the roll. we're sitting in my living room and his arms are around me. my legs curled up. we look so happy goofy smiles on both our faces, i admit i see more beauty in his image than mine but i look for flaws within my self. althought i was struck by how both of us had that summer skin that seems to glow alittle. other photos reveiled Josh and Andrew, who I never seem to speak to anymore, and I genuinely with I hadn't lost touch with them. I don't even remember why we don't seem to talk anymore. more of life's growing pains i suspect. There are so many others I don't talk to anymore, Megan, and Megan. Two of may amazing friends who seem to never encounter me anymore, Colleen, danielle, nora the list could go on and on. Then I found VH1's "top 100 love songs" and pulled out my last two photo albums...ahh memories. here's the thing I'm not depressed or discouraged with life, Heck I had a great time at late night tonight with friends, but it's a bittersweet thing.
I sat at late night for the first hour or so and just seemed to zone out and stare to the right above the door, just above the in the bag coolers. I felt like if i stared hard enough I'd find the answers I've been looking for the past few days, but no answers came. I know the answers are around here, I just can't grasp them. Perhaps because I can't find the questions..
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Date: 2002-11-12 10:18 pm (UTC)I know how ya feel, I too have been doing a lot of thinking about the past lately. And the large portion of people who I have seem to have lost touch with, so your not the only one. I'm sorry that we didnt hang out more this past summer but dont take it personally, I didn't hangout with many people. I kinda cut myself off from a lot of people this summer, mostly because I didn't really want to be there and I just really missed being up here. I hope you didn't feel offended. I'm sorry. Hey throw me a line sometime and we will catch up.
Love ya and miss ya hun,
Colleen
Oh and hey keep some weekend over winter break open, probably the week after xmas. I think I'm gonna try and have a little winter shindig when we all get back.