empty tears and hidden graces

[robinsnest]

I used to think that the day I could look in the mirror and realize I was beautiful would be a great day. well it's not all i thought it would be. I realize now how wonderful I am, and I don't doubt that i'm beautiful, however the thing that sucks is now I wonder why is it i'm always the third wheel always teh single reject? why does no one want to get to know my mind, want to spend time talking to me, want to really understand me. I've certainly wanted to understand a lot of people, i listen to everyone but if god forbid something happened to me, i think no one would really have stopped to listen to me. even kevin buzzes around to quickly to slow down and realize i'm crying. for once i'm not crying because i hate myself i'm crying because it is unfair that i can understand that i'm worth so much and not have a single person want to share that with me. i'm tired of alone. really tired of alone. I'd like someone to just hold me and let me feel safe to kiss my forehead and stroke my cheek. but apparently that's too much since that involves feeling. all i ever wanted was a night of sitting with someone watching the stars and wanting him to hold me and want nothing more than making the moment last forever, safe and secure. but apparently i'm gonna be the permenant third wheel/matchmaker/spinster. it's been that way my whole life, there was the hayride then of course the 80 million dates everyone was always set up on and myself not going. then the fact i hated myself probaly wasn't a huge turn on. but here i am looking in the mirror and loving what i see and apparently i've got a big X marked on my forehead AVOID or something branded on my cheeks. where i see pink and rosey apparnetly others see a warning. FUCK THE WORLD i'm tired of this shit i'm just plain fucking tired.

Comments

[mnm1152002.livejournal.com]

Hey Robbie I know I don't share that "special bond" with you that you would like (that's for your boy toys! heh), but I have always known you are a beautiful girl. I'm glad you're finally seeing how wonderful you are. I want you to know that you are a great friend. You were always there for me when I needed you. Remember when my mom got sick and you planned a "party" for me to cheer me up? (I think it was for that, might have been for something else but I coulda sworn it was freshman year) And when you helped me and Kevin get some alone time by locking us in the props closet after school that day? Remember back in fourth grade, when we first met, and I had that damn frog shirt that had the snap-on frogs? We built houses for them all, me you Kristy and I think Katie, right? You have always been one of my best friends, and one of the greatest people I have ever known. I am lucky to know you. Someday, there will be one special person that will be the luckiest guy alive, because he will get your heart, and he won't have any other choice but to give his back to you. Don't lose faith or hope Robbie, there will be someone. Just be patient. Until then, I wuv ooo! *hugs*
Love always
~~*Meg*~~