laughing feels good

It feels really good to just sit and talk. Jose and I sat and talked, he came over to bring me chocolate when he realized I hadn't managed to eat much of the food put infront of me all day...my period makes me profoundly unhungry. and we got a lot of stuff out of the air, I read him my livejournal entry and he was hurt by a lot of things I said, and reading over it again, I regret a lot of things I said. I know he does care, I do. but I think we got ahead of ourselves, we didn't have enough nights of just talking about "fate and death and love, and if we really believe there's anything up above" We talked about the things that bothered me and the things that bothered him and then somehow NPR, the pope mobil, how to elect a pope (speaking of which do you crown a pope? what's it called to MAKE a pope?) to silly cheers and my silver pom poms. I think what he and I need most is more time to BUILD a solid friendship, instead of expecting head over heels whirl wind romance. Passion burns out violently, longeivity and lasting connections come from those conversations those connections. I really love the mind I find inside him, the person who will listen to me and talk about stem cell research. he thinks about what he says, and then says it. and I know he does care, but I think neither of us really knows where to go with that. I think working on the friendship half is best. But it feels really really good to end my night with a goodnight hug and a smile instead of stumblign up the stairs ready to pass out or cry. I regret that I exploded. but I am happy to see that even after seeing me at my most vicious and worst he's stillw illing to talk about Father Roger Schmit from Laramie with me. Thank you jose. for being the catalyst of my dreams. someday I'll help you grow as much as you've helped me.

laughing feels good

It feels really good to just sit and talk. Jose and I sat and talked, he came over to bring me chocolate when he realized I hadn't managed to eat much of the food put infront of me all day...my period makes me profoundly unhungry. and we got a lot of stuff out of the air, I read him my livejournal entry and he was hurt by a lot of things I said, and reading over it again, I regret a lot of things I said. I know he does care, I do. but I think we got ahead of ourselves, we didn't have enough nights of just talking about "fate and death and love, and if we really believe there's anything up above" We talked about the things that bothered me and the things that bothered him and then somehow NPR, the pope mobil, how to elect a pope (speaking of which do you crown a pope? what's it called to MAKE a pope?) to silly cheers and my silver pom poms. I think what he and I need most is more time to BUILD a solid friendship, instead of expecting head over heels whirl wind romance. Passion burns out violently, longeivity and lasting connections come from those conversations those connections. I really love the mind I find inside him, the person who will listen to me and talk about stem cell research. he thinks about what he says, and then says it. and I know he does care, but I think neither of us really knows where to go with that. I think working on the friendship half is best. But it feels really really good to end my night with a goodnight hug and a smile instead of stumblign up the stairs ready to pass out or cry. I regret that I exploded. but I am happy to see that even after seeing me at my most vicious and worst he's stillw illing to talk about Father Roger Schmit from Laramie with me. Thank you jose. for being the catalyst of my dreams. someday I'll help you grow as much as you've helped me.