(no subject)

I think the exaughstion is starting to settle on me. My frame is starting to feel the weight I've been placing on it. I cried the other night. I was talking about my past, and I couldn't help it, I just started to cry. I turned away, I hope he didn't notice. but I noticed. I'm not ashamed of who I am, or what made me this way. But sometimes it hurts. Little things will remind me of that time in my life when everything hurt so much. I don't know why but ever since that night I havent' been able to shake that uneasy feeling. I just want someone to give me a big hug and tell me that I'm so beautiful, and so smart and so worthwhile. and If i asked I'm sure I have tons of amazing friends who would honestly tell me those things but I need to tell them to myself or it will never matter. But I feel so tired I can't seem to get a handle on myself. Breath. as Schmidty would say I need to breath. I can't wait for london. I need to leave...and never come back. Schmidty, Amy, Chris, Molly...I love you. I'll miss you.

Just walk away

Just walk away
Close your eyes and let go
Breathe fresh air
And just let go

Just walk away
Forget it all,
It wasn’t much
There’s hardly a weeks time
To erase

Just walk away
Potential doesn’t matter
Neither does the past
Just walk away
Let it go at last.

Just walk away
And forget the tears you dropped
A hundred simple gifts
Not repaid
Just walk away

(no subject)

I think the exaughstion is starting to settle on me. My frame is starting to feel the weight I've been placing on it. I cried the other night. I was talking about my past, and I couldn't help it, I just started to cry. I turned away, I hope he didn't notice. but I noticed. I'm not ashamed of who I am, or what made me this way. But sometimes it hurts. Little things will remind me of that time in my life when everything hurt so much. I don't know why but ever since that night I havent' been able to shake that uneasy feeling. I just want someone to give me a big hug and tell me that I'm so beautiful, and so smart and so worthwhile. and If i asked I'm sure I have tons of amazing friends who would honestly tell me those things but I need to tell them to myself or it will never matter. But I feel so tired I can't seem to get a handle on myself. Breath. as Schmidty would say I need to breath. I can't wait for london. I need to leave...and never come back. Schmidty, Amy, Chris, Molly...I love you. I'll miss you.

Just walk away

Just walk away
Close your eyes and let go
Breathe fresh air
And just let go

Just walk away
Forget it all,
It wasn’t much
There’s hardly a weeks time
To erase

Just walk away
Potential doesn’t matter
Neither does the past
Just walk away
Let it go at last.

Just walk away
And forget the tears you dropped
A hundred simple gifts
Not repaid
Just walk away

In a cave many miles to the south...

I think I know what I need to get myself out of this rut. And I'm going to take the necessary steps to reach that goal. Thank you to everyone who's been helpful for me. I need to stop letting myself care so much sometimes. I just want to make people's pain go away so bad, I want to be someone they can say "she saved me" but that's not my place, I am no one's angel anymore than I am their devil. So I'm going to force myself to let go. and move on. I have PLENTY to keep myself busy with.

I need chris. I really need a chris hug and a night of chris' conversation. I always feel like the rest of the world doesnt' matter when I talk to that boy. sometimes I think if he didn't have Joy I'd have fallen seriously in love with him, I suppose it's lucky I have no since he doesn't feel that way towards me. I guess there are some blessings in life. but I still miss chris...::sigh:: I miss home tonight.

In a cave many miles to the south...

I think I know what I need to get myself out of this rut. And I'm going to take the necessary steps to reach that goal. Thank you to everyone who's been helpful for me. I need to stop letting myself care so much sometimes. I just want to make people's pain go away so bad, I want to be someone they can say "she saved me" but that's not my place, I am no one's angel anymore than I am their devil. So I'm going to force myself to let go. and move on. I have PLENTY to keep myself busy with.

I need chris. I really need a chris hug and a night of chris' conversation. I always feel like the rest of the world doesnt' matter when I talk to that boy. sometimes I think if he didn't have Joy I'd have fallen seriously in love with him, I suppose it's lucky I have no since he doesn't feel that way towards me. I guess there are some blessings in life. but I still miss chris...::sigh:: I miss home tonight.