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so here I am on Sunday night having accomplished approximatly half the work I had hoped to have finished this weekend, my mind just doesn't want to focus. I need a good long workout, or something. I've done just about everything possible to foil my own attempts at productivity. grr. On the plus side Mommy and mark are coming to visit on tuesday and Wiley's coming out on thursday so the weeks is promising to be A LOT of fun, but I had hoped to have far more homework done by now so I'd have far less to do during the week. and while I'll make it through the week putting stuff off i'm gonna be stuggling by finals week to get it all finished. especially this evil evil TO+M project, it's a ROYAL pain in my ass....ROYAL. I even cleaned my desk and dresser to put off working on it. I need some motivation hardcore.
Apr. 20th, 2003
so here I am on Sunday night having accomplished approximatly half the work I had hoped to have finished this weekend, my mind just doesn't want to focus. I need a good long workout, or something. I've done just about everything possible to foil my own attempts at productivity. grr. On the plus side Mommy and mark are coming to visit on tuesday and Wiley's coming out on thursday so the weeks is promising to be A LOT of fun, but I had hoped to have far more homework done by now so I'd have far less to do during the week. and while I'll make it through the week putting stuff off i'm gonna be stuggling by finals week to get it all finished. especially this evil evil TO+M project, it's a ROYAL pain in my ass....ROYAL. I even cleaned my desk and dresser to put off working on it. I need some motivation hardcore.
the music fills my room, it wraps around my shoulders and slowly settles over my hair. my eyes burn. I don't know why I dug this cd out, i simply found it while flipping through my cd case. "all i can think of is how i have you no more, but i know somewhere your shining on me, maybe not in person but in my heart you'll be free" how long ago that seems. his voice. god I loved his voice. you know i think at one point i was really in love with tom. I think I loved his music, I loved his thoughts. "coconut flavored rum..." god why did those days have to go so fast, and why do I still cry at the memory. THey were so painfully beautiful, and so beautifully painful. I hated him even as I loved him. I wish so much we could have stayed friends. I think I look for him still in other people. I look for that boy lost within the man, I look for the music within the quiet eyes. I look for the laugh that starts deep within the body before it spreads to the face and the lips. I miss them. all three of them. Josh, Tom, Brian, I really miss you and I so wish we hadn't lost touch. I hope everything is wonderful in your lives and that something is taking care of you the way it has taken care of me.
the music fills my room, it wraps around my shoulders and slowly settles over my hair. my eyes burn. I don't know why I dug this cd out, i simply found it while flipping through my cd case. "all i can think of is how i have you no more, but i know somewhere your shining on me, maybe not in person but in my heart you'll be free" how long ago that seems. his voice. god I loved his voice. you know i think at one point i was really in love with tom. I think I loved his music, I loved his thoughts. "coconut flavored rum..." god why did those days have to go so fast, and why do I still cry at the memory. THey were so painfully beautiful, and so beautifully painful. I hated him even as I loved him. I wish so much we could have stayed friends. I think I look for him still in other people. I look for that boy lost within the man, I look for the music within the quiet eyes. I look for the laugh that starts deep within the body before it spreads to the face and the lips. I miss them. all three of them. Josh, Tom, Brian, I really miss you and I so wish we hadn't lost touch. I hope everything is wonderful in your lives and that something is taking care of you the way it has taken care of me.