Crisis of Identity

So I haven't posted in here in ages, but frankly I haven't really had much to post about. I haven't done a stitch of sewing, I've done a lot of reading for graduate school and a lot of stressing about work...and life...

So today I have a day off and what do I do with it? I sit and troll the internet, play on facebook, look at a billion coupon blogs...WASTE the whole day. Did I clean anything? No Did I do laundry? NO did I sew anything? NO I made my entire fantasy wedding and looked for antique wedding veils when I'm not even engaged. *sigh*

So what is this fear that paralyzes me so? Why haven't I been working on my graduate school application? The deadline is quickly approaching. Why can't I bring myself to work on it? Even look at it?

Because I'm terrified I'm not going to get in. If I don't get into grad school then I'm Stuck at Jo-Ann's fulltime, even if I do get in, how the hell do I pay for it? Thus I'm STILL stuck at JoAnn's. I'm so ready for a new job that I like more with new challenges.  I'm paralyzed with this fear of failure. It's not like I'm trying to do that much, but it feels so overwhelming that I haven't done ANYTHING. 

I wish I could just turn off the little voice that says I'm gonna fail no matter what I do.  

Crisis of Identity

So I haven't posted in here in ages, but frankly I haven't really had much to post about. I haven't done a stitch of sewing, I've done a lot of reading for graduate school and a lot of stressing about work...and life...

So today I have a day off and what do I do with it? I sit and troll the internet, play on facebook, look at a billion coupon blogs...WASTE the whole day. Did I clean anything? No Did I do laundry? NO did I sew anything? NO I made my entire fantasy wedding and looked for antique wedding veils when I'm not even engaged. *sigh*

So what is this fear that paralyzes me so? Why haven't I been working on my graduate school application? The deadline is quickly approaching. Why can't I bring myself to work on it? Even look at it?

Because I'm terrified I'm not going to get in. If I don't get into grad school then I'm Stuck at Jo-Ann's fulltime, even if I do get in, how the hell do I pay for it? Thus I'm STILL stuck at JoAnn's. I'm so ready for a new job that I like more with new challenges.  I'm paralyzed with this fear of failure. It's not like I'm trying to do that much, but it feels so overwhelming that I haven't done ANYTHING. 

I wish I could just turn off the little voice that says I'm gonna fail no matter what I do.