sometimes being an adult is hard

[robinsnest]

At two pm today I go back to Joann's to fill out paper work. To start back as a part time associate...right back where I started in 2008. Rationally I know that I'm in a totally different place. I just need to work while I wait to get into nursing school. But...it really burns a little.

I think one of the reasons it stings so much is that when Kass fired me from RH she said "well you can just go back to Joann's" like she was returning a pack of needles she didn't end up needing. Of course I couldn't, they had filled my full time position immediately. She wanted me to go back to where I had started, erasing all the years I had previously worked there like it was nothing. I was disposable. I vowed I wouldn't do what she dismissively told me to do...and now I am. I really failed.

I realize we all do adult things we don't want to do. I realize this is just part of that whole grown-up thing. Putting what's best for my family ahead of my own anxiety and pride....but that doesn't make it hurt less.

Sometimes being an adult really stinks. 

Comments

[starlightmasque.livejournal.com]

I know we don't really know each other, but your post here really touched my heart. Please don't feel like you are going backwards, you aren't the same person who left Joann's years ago. Everything changes. You have changed... you're smarter and more mature, because you have grown as all adults do. You seem like a really great person, I doubt this bout of Joann's employment will be anything but beneficial to you. Use them to achieve the goal you want! Stay strong, you are valuable!

[sewloud.livejournal.com]

Thank you. It really does help to hear that.

[heidilea.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry. But, maybe it won't be a step backward. It doesn't have to be. I'm also sorry that's how it worked out--I didn't know.

But, you're going to nursing school. I guess if you can, look at this as a way to get somewhere else, not necessarily a step backward. Maybe you had to step on the same stone twice to get where you really wanted to go.

And...DON'T LISTEN TO THE "OLD TAPES!" They'll just bring you down. You have value! You deserve happiness!

[sewloud.livejournal.com]

thanks I appreciate it. It's so nice to have good voices telling me better things

[heidilea.livejournal.com]

You're welcome--and, anytime!

[padawansguide.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

I'm really sorry Kass was so dismissive of you. That's really not cool.

And you haven't failed. You're being an adult and that's a thing a lot of people can't or won't do because it is hard. Making adult decisions is definitely not a failure.

[sewloud.livejournal.com]

thank you. I really appreciate the hugs.

[laracorsets.livejournal.com]

Do not give another person, especially someone who hurt you, that much power over you! Life is complicated to say the least and you were treated unfairly. Do your best to look forward into your bright future, leave the trash in the past where it belongs.

[sewloud.livejournal.com]

it's true. I wish I was better at letting things go.

[laracorsets.livejournal.com]

I am the same, but we have to try. We cannot change the past but we have every choice in our future.

[jenthompson.livejournal.com]

*hugs* Being an adult IS hard. I had to take several "step-back" jobs between college and getting my career going too. It's tough. It's tough on your moral and tough on your pride. But hopefully it's just temporary and you'll get where you want to be soon!

[sewloud.livejournal.com]

Thank you. It's nice to know I'm not the only one who has these bumps in the road, and that while I may think less of me no one else does.

[hlwoods.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry. Coming full circle can be unexpected sometimes. And being fired so bluntly? After leaving a full time steady job? That sucks.

But you're not doing what she told you to do. What she told you to do was go be a full time worker at JoAnn's, which is not, I dare say, a career as much as it is a "pay the bills" job. What you're doing is starting a whole new career. Paying the bills is incidental. Okay, girl's gotta eat, so important, but only locally and not in the greater scheme of things.

As for Kass? I noticed how dismissive she was when she explained she doesn't sell patterns for larger sizes because it's not worth it. To my face. (For information's sake, yes, I wear a larger size than she caters to.) I would have been fine if she'd said it was too difficult. Not worth it, though? Bah.

[sewloud.livejournal.com]

Thank you. I really appreciate all the support. And I'm sorry she said that to you, if I had known her longer I doubt I'd ever have worked for her. But water under the bridge I guess.

[hlwoods.livejournal.com]

What was particularly ironic was that I had been circling around her tent for days, deciding exactly how I wanted to blow my $300 budget. Ultimately, all I ever bought from her was the men's kilt pattern for 30 bucks. Which pattern boiled down to "Hem a rectangle of dimensions X by Y" and belt thusly. To say I was underwhelmed was to leave few other words to express how my husband felt. Admittedly, the pattern also comes with hose pattern ... which didn't fit and basically required me to make two toiles before I figured out what was wrong with it. And the second toile basically started with a bias cut rectangle, which was pinned to his body, and had nothing to do with the pattern.

I know better now. I found a lovely lady out west who sells patterns up to and past my size, and who includes a full binder's worth of notes, rather than 2 sheets of paper, and I pretty well bought one of every pattern she sells. Except the ruffs. Don't do ruffs. :)

[bauhausfrau.livejournal.com]

I think it's a smart move! You will make some money before school in a job you're experienced in AND get benefits for your hobby by way of fabric notions etc.

And K can suck it for being such a jerk to you.

[sewloud.livejournal.com]

Thanks! And they DID raise the discount while I was gone.

[tayloropolis.livejournal.com]

Whatever- that woman is awful and you are awesome. Don't let her get you down! Going back is not the same thing as going backwards!

[sewloud.livejournal.com]

Thanks :-) I do need to remind myself of that.

[chocolatepot.livejournal.com]

That really sucks. It totally makes sense for you to feel the way you do, even though you are in a different place. I don't know very much about Kass or RH, but that sounds absolutely dreadful and insensitive of her.

I'd suggest temping - it'd be a change, plus the pay would probably be better - but in my experience (admittedly low) that's only a good solution if you're okay with long-term full-time assignments, and if you're going to nursing school that's probably not a schedule you want.

[sewloud.livejournal.com]

I've actually applied to a bunch of places to temp but never heard back. And in the end Joann's gave me well over minimum wage which I wouldn't have found in retail any place else. and at least it's something I can do in my sleep.

[estela-dufrayse.livejournal.com]

you aren't stepping back, just coming 'round again for a better kick at the can.  This is just one step.  Keep your eyes on the prize.

As for Kass, she seems to blow through people, which is unfortunate.  Don't give her the power to keep hurting you though.  She lost that privilege when she let you go.  Move forward in thought and life.  You got it.

[sstormwatch.livejournal.com]

One of my good friends has a motto, Illegitimi non carborundum (wiki link here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Illegitimi_non_carborundum) that I think applies.

You are so much better than she understood, and more importantly, you are going forward in your life to a place that will be so much better than even this small side track. I've had to do similar side tracks, to annoying jobs to pay the bills. The alternative would be worse. So, see yourself as one who has skills that will help pay the bills, while you also work towards a far better future.

And let karma do its own thing to those who hurt you, as she did.

[sewloud.livejournal.com]

I like that motto! Thank you for the support. I really appreciate it.

[fiofiorina.livejournal.com]

*hugs*
It's not 'going back', it's just the job to pay the bills while you are attending school.

[sewloud.livejournal.com]

I just keep trying to tell myself that.

[brickhousewench.livejournal.com]

I've worked retail off and on over the years, and while it's not something that I'd choose to make a career of, there are career retail employees. And some of them are completely wonderful people. My managers at Barnes and Nobles (and some of the long-term full timers) were some of the most fantastic people I have ever worked with. Yes, there are some people who work retail as a transition job until they find something better. And there are people who don't have enough job skills to ever get out of retail hell. But I think you're doing yourself (and those good people) a disservice by thinking that just because you work retail that you're some kind of loser. The number on your paycheck does not equal your value as a human being.

Who you are and what you do is what makes you special. Not your paycheck. (See - every teacher, nurse, secretary and other low paid employee that does important work on the planet.)

[sewloud.livejournal.com]

oh it's definitely not that I think retail is something bad, I applied at a ton of other retail environments, returning to this specific job feels like it had baggage. But I've made it through the first week and I'm sure at some point I won't feel nauseated every time I head off to work. At least the customers are as nice as I remember :-)

[brickhousewench.livejournal.com]

Did you have bad experiences working at JoAnns (bad manager, whatever)? Or is it just Kass's comment making it traumatic to go back to JoAnn's?

Because either one doesn't really reflect on you. We all still think you're awesome. And having some kind of income is always a good thing. ;-)

[sewloud.livejournal.com]

Probably a little of both. I had a long rocky road with Joann's. I started as a PT person worked my way up to operations team leader (full time manager) went through three store managers, two merchandising managers and was the only fulltime person for long stretches. One MTL was actually crazy and abusive, my hair started falling out from stress. I actually resigned because of how bad she was, then she just stopped coming to work and I ended up staying. There is a very difficult woman who still works there who I didn't really want to go back to working with..but it's all working out so far. :-) Can't wait till I start getting paychecks..

[brickhousewench.livejournal.com]

Ugh, yeah, bad managers can spoil even the bestest of jobs. I've been there with Bossy Lady several years ago. (She gave me heartburn and pretty much put me in therapy for a year...) Here's hoping that you can avoid the crazy this time around. (Sometimes just being a little older and wiser goes a LONG way towards making something better.)

*Hugs*